Ethiopia Declares Coffee a National Currency!
Addis Ababa, April 1 — In a surprising and aromatic twist, the Ethiopian government announced today that it will officially adopt coffee beans as the national currency, replacing the birr.
According to officials, the move is meant to “bring the economy closer to the heart of the people” — and what better symbol than bunna, Ethiopia’s beloved drink?
“We realized that coffee has more value than money anyway,” said Ministry of Finance spokesperson Tena Mulatu while holding up a freshly roasted handful of Sidamo beans. “Why bother with coins when you can pay for a taxi ride with a macchiato?”
Banks across the country have already started converting savings into small bags of Yirgacheffe and Harar beans. ATMs will soon be retrofitted to dispense single-serve espresso shots.
International economists are baffled. One foreign investor reportedly tried to pay for a hotel room in dollars, only to be told, “Sorry sir, we only accept medium roast.”
Meanwhile, Ethiopians have responded with enthusiasm. Markets are now buzzing with new phrases like “I’m rich—I’ve got three kilos of Jimma at home!” and “Can you break a kilo for me?”
Even the black market has gone “green.” Coffee smugglers are reportedly trying to sneak in inferior beans from abroad — but local elders are sniffing out the fakes instantly.
The National Bank is planning to mint special commemorative cups featuring Emperor Menelik sipping bunna. Rumors are swirling that an animated coffee bean will soon replace the lion on the national flag.
While the world waits to see if this revolutionary move percolates into global markets, Ethiopians are raising their jebenas and toasting to the richest currency in the world: coffee.
Happy April Fools’ Day!
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